COST OF GROCERIES
THIS MORNING AT BREAKFAST,
JOHNNIE WAS GRIPING ABOUT THE
HIGH COST OF GROCERIES. I
GIVE HER $400 A MONTH FOR
GROCERY MONEY AND THERE ARE
JUST THE TWO OF US FOR HER TO
FEED. SHE SAID SHE SPENDS
$100 A WEEK.
"WELL WHERE IS ALL THE MONEY
GOING? YOU’RE NOT
SPENDING ALL THAT MUCH ON MY
GROCERIES."
"MOST OF IT IS FOR YOU.
YOU KNOW I'M ON A DIET AND
DON'T EAT MUCH"
"OK, LETS SEE HOW MUCH MY
BREAKFAST COST. HOW MUCH
IS AN EIGHTEEN EGG CARTON OF
EGGS?"
SHE TOLD ME $2.29 A CARTON.
"THAT’S ROUGHLY 13 CENTS AN
EGG AND I EAT TWO EGGS EVERY
MORNING. NOW, HOW MUCH
DOES THE PACKAGE OF WRIGHT’S
THICK SLICED BACON COST?"
$6.95 A PACKAGE, SHE INFORMED
ME.
"I ALWAYS CUT THE PACKAGE IN
HALF TO MAKE THE SLICES EASIER
TO COOK. SO THAT MAKES
42 SLICES PER PACKAGE. I
ALWAYS EAT THREE SLICES WITH
MY TWO EGGS. THE BACON
COST 7 CENTS A SLICE, SO MY
BREAKFAST HAS COST 47 CENTS SO
FAR. NOW ADD IN THE COST
OF MY MILK AND WE WILL KNOW
HOW MUCH YOU SPEND ON MY FOR
BREAKFAST. HOW MUCH DOES
A GALLON OF MILK COST?"
"THE KIND OF MILK YOU DRINK
COST $2.39 A GALLON" JOHNNIE
ANSWERS AS SHE PICKS UP
TODAY’S NEWS PAPER.
"I DRINK A PINT OF MILK WITH
MY BREAKFAST EACH MORNING AND
A PINT COST 30 CENTS SO THAT
MAKES A GRAND TOTAL OF 77
CENTS COST FOR GROCERIES FOR
MY BREAKFAST. OR IF YOU
FIGURE BY THE WEEK, THAT’S
$5.39. HOW MUCH DOES
YOUR BREAKFAST COST BY THE
WEEK?"
JOHNNIE DOESN'T ANSWER ME.
SHE'S ALL WRAPPED UP IN THE
PAPER. SO I ASK HER FOR THE
CASH REGISTER RECEIPTS SO I
CAN SEE WHERE ALL THE GROCERY
MONEY GOES.
"HA HA HA HA," SHE SAYS AS SHE
READS THE FUNNIES IN THE
PAPER.
I GET UP AND LOOK THROUGH THE
DRAWERS IN THE KITCHEN CABINET
UNTIL I FIND HER LAST WEEKS
RECEIPT. THEN I GO OFF INTO
MY OFFICE TO SEE WHAT SHE HAS
BOUGHT WITH HER $100.
I SIT DOWN AT MY DESK AND PICK
UP A PEN. I INTEND TO PUT A
CHECK MARK BY ANY THING
JOHNNIE SHOULDN’T BE BUYING
WITH GROCERY MONEY.
AS I LOOK DOWN THE LIST I SEE
VCR TAPE.
CHECK
NEXT I SEE BOOK.
CHECK
SNICKER CANDY BARS.
CHECK
JOHNNIE TOLD ME SHE WAS ON A
DIET, AND BESIDES I HAVEN’T
SEEN ANY SNICKER BARS.
ONE DOZEN RED ROSES
CHECK
ONE PACKAGE OF 12 ROLLS OF
TOILET PAPER
"OK SO THAT’S NOT SOMETHING TO
EAT, I’LL ALLOW IT."
TWO ROLLS OF PAPER TOWELS
"I’LL ALLOW THESE ALSO."
PEANUT BUTTER AND CLUB
CRACKERS
"NOW I KNOW THESE ARE FOR ME,
SO I WON’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT
THEM."
DIET COKES AND SEVEN UPS
"OK, THAT’S A TRADE OFF.
JOHNNIE DRINKS DIET COKES AND
I DRINK SEVEN UPS."
WHEN I GET THROUGH CHECKING
OFF THE ITEMS THAT JOHNNIE
SHOULD NOT HAVE SPENT MONEY
ON, I TAKE THE RECEIPT BACK
INTO THE KITCHEN TO SHOW HER.
SHE’S NOT THERE. THERE IS A
NOTE ON THE TABLE THAT SAYS
SHE HAS GONE TO THE GROCERY
STORE.
I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR HER TO
COME HOME. THIS TIME, I’LL GO
OVER THE CASH REGISTER RECEIPT
WITH HER AS SHE PUTS THE
GROCERIES AWAY. BUT I’M BACK
IN THE OFFICE ON THE COMPUTER
WHEN SHE COMES BACK AND I
DON’T HEAR HER COME IN. SHE
HAS THE GROCERIES PUT UP AND
GOES OUT IN THE BACK YARD TO
WORK IN HER FLOWER BEDS WHEN I
CHECK TO SEE IF SHE HAS COME
HOME YET.
I GO TO THE PATIO DOOR AND
TELL HER I WOULD LIKE TO TALK
TO HER ABOUT WHAT SHE IS
SPENDING THE GROCERY MONEY ON
AND WHAT SHE TOLD ME IS A
WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A
DIFFERENT TIME.
BY
LOREN
MOORE
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COPYRIGHT
2004
MUSIC . . . I WANT A GIRL JUST LIKE THE GIRL
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THAT MARRIED DEAR
OLD DAD |
BY GRANDPA FRANK |
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