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     COUMIDAN CLINIC        

 

                 

                         

 

I HATE GOING TO THE DOCTOR.  I THINK IT STARTED WHEN I WAS A SMALL BOY AND MY MOTHER WOULD TAKE ME TO DR. HANCOCK IN GLADEWATER, TEXAS.  I DON’T CARE IF IT WAS FOR A RUNNY NOSE, A KNOT ON MY HEAD FROM BEING HIT WITH A BASE BALL OR STEPPING ON A RUSTY NAIL, DR. HANCOCK SAID THE SAME THING EACH TIME.  “TURN AROUND, DROP YOUR PANTS AND BEND OVER.”  THEN HE WOULD GIVE ME A SHOT IN THE BUTT.  AND HE NEVER GAVE ME A LOLLIE POP LIKE THE OTHER KID’S DOCTORS DID.

 

MAYBE THIS WAS BECAUSE OLD DR. “TURN AROUND, DROP YOUR PANTS AND BEND OVER” HANCOCK WAS MORE INTERESTED IN DRILLING FOR OIL THAN HE WAS IN DOCTORING.  HE AND HIS BROTHER HAD A DRILLING RIG AND WOULD DRILL HOLES UP AROUND GILMER UNTIL THEY RAN OUT OF MONEY THEN HE WOULD GO BACK TO DOCTORING UNTIL HE MADE ENOUGH MONEY TO DRILL ANOTHER HOLE.  TO MY KNOWLEDGE THEY NEVER DID STRIKE OIL.

 

ANYWAY THAT IS WHAT STARTED MY ATTITUDE ABOUT GOING TO THE DOCTOR.  I DIDN’T LIKE GETTING A SHOT IN THE BUTT EVERY TIME I WENT TO THE DOCTOR.  NOT GETTING A LOLLIE POP DIDN’T HELP ANY EITHER.

 

AS TIME WENT BY I GREW UP AND GOT MARRIED THEN WENT TO WORK FOR GENERAL MOTORS.  WHEN I HIRED IN THEY MADE ME TAKE A PHYSICAL.  WHEN I WAS IN THE DOCTORS OFFICE HE TOLD ME TO TURN AROUND, DROP MY PANTS AND BEND OVER.  O’BOY HERE COMES ANOTHER SHOT I THOUGHT.  BOY WAS I FOOLED.  I LOOKED BACK AND THE DOCTOR WAS PUTTING A RUBBER GLOVE ON HIS RIGHT HAND AND THERE WAS A BIG JAR OF VASELINE ON THE TABLE NEXT TO HIM. 

 

WELL I DIDN’T GET A SHOT IN THE BUTT BUT I THINK I WOULD RATHER HAVE HAD A SHOT THAN WHAT HE DID.  ANYWAY I PASSED THE PHYSICAL AND GM PUT ME TO WORK IN THEIR ASSEMBLY PLANT IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS.  NOW THIS EXPERIENCE DIDN’T HELP MY ATTITUDE ABOUT GOING TO A DOCTOR.

 

I WAS ABLE TO FLOAT ALONG FOR SEVERAL YEARS WITHOUT THE NEED TO GO TO A DOCTOR AGAIN UNTIL THE BONES IN MY RIGHT FOOT COLLAPSED AND HAD TO BE REPAIRED SURGICALLY.  MY WIFE, JOHNNIE HAD BEEN GOING TO A BONE AND JOINT SPECIALIST FOR A PROBLEM SO I WENT TO HIM FOR THE SURGERY.  AFTER THE SURGERY HE PUT A PLASTER CAST ON MY FOOT THAT WENT UP TO MY KNEE.

 

HE TOLD ME WHAT EVER I DID NOT TO GET THIS CAST WET.  WELL I WAS OFF WORK FOR A MONTH AND I WAS REALLY GETTING CABIN FEVER WHEN ONE OF MY BUDDIES CALLED ME AND ASKED IF I WANTED TO GO FISHING.  “SURE” I SAID.  I WAS STILL ON CRUTCHES AND STILL HAD THE CAST ON MY LEG BUT MY BUDDY SAID HE WOULD DO ALL THE CARRYING AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS SET IN THE BOAT AND FISH.

 

I SURE DIDN’T WANT TO GET THAT CAST WET SO I TOOK A PLASTIC BAG AND DUCT TAPE WITH ME.  BEFORE I GOT INTO THE BOAT I PUT THE HEAVY PLASTIC BAG OVER THE CAST AND USED THE DUCT TAPE TO CLOSE THE BAG.  I WRAPPED THE TAPE AROUND MY LEG SEVERAL TIMES SEALING THE BAG WATERTIGHT.  PRETTY GOOD I THOUGHT, THERE'S NO WAY I’LL GET MY CAST WET WITH THIS HEAVY PLASTIC BAG ON IT. 

 

WELL IT WAS THE FIRST WEEK IN JUNE AND IT WAS HOT, BUT WE WERE CATCHING A FISH NOW AND THEN SO WE STAYED WITH IT FOR ABOUT 8 HOURS.  FINALLY WE GOT SO HOT WE GAVE UP AND CAME IN.  WHEN WE GOT BACK TO SHORE I TOOK THE PLASTIC BAG OFF MY LEG AND THERE WAS WATER IN THE BOTTOM OF THE BAG.  THE PLASTER WAS WET AND SOFT.  WITH THAT PLASTIC BAG BEING SEALED AIR TIGHT LIKE IT WAS MY LEG SWEATED SO BAD IT RUINED THE CAST.  I HAD TO GO BACK TO THE DOCTOR AND HE PUT ANOTHER CAST ON MY FOOT.  WHAT HE SAID TO ME IS A WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A DIFFERENT TIME.

 

SEVERAL YEARS WENT BY AND I HAD A HEART ATTACK.  I STILL DIDN’T HAVE A DOCTOR SO JOHNNIE CALLED HER DOCTOR AND HE CALLED IN A CARDIOLOGIST.  THE DAY I WAS RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL THE CARDIOLOGIST CAME BY MY ROOM AND SAID I SHOULD MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO COME TO HIS OFFICE TO SEE HIM THE NEXT WEEK.

 

THEN HE PROCEEDED TO TELL ME NOT TO EAT THIS OR THAT AND NOT DO THIS OR THAT AND I WOULD BE BETTER OFF IF I …  WELL YOU GET THE IDEA.  EVERY THING HE SAID WAS NEGATIVE.  NEED I SAY I NEVER DID CALL HIS OFFICE FOR AN APPOINTMENT?

 

WELL SEVERAL MORE YEARS WENT BY AND ONE DAY I HAD A FUNNY FEELING IN MY LEFT ARM AND FELT DIZZY FOR AWHILE.  SO JOHNNIE STARTED BUGGING ME ABOUT GOING TO THE DOCTOR.  I REMINDED HER I DIDN’T HAVE A DOCTOR SO SHE TOOK ME TO SEE HER DOCTOR.

 

WHEN WE GOT THERE THE RECEPTIONIST ASKED IF WE HAD AN APPOINTMENT.  I SAID ‘NO’ AND TURNED AROUND TO LEAVE.  JOHNNIE SAID ‘WAIT A MINUTE’ AND OPEN THE DOOR BESIDE THE RECEPTIONIST’S DESK AND MARCHED RIGHT IN.  IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES SHE AND THE DOCTOR’S NURSE CAME OUT. THE NURSE SAID I SHOULD GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM AT THE HOSPITAL.  SHE WOULD CALL SO THEY WOULD BE LOOKING FOR US.

 

WHEN JOHNNIE AND I GOT BACK TO THE CAR I GOT BEHIND THE STEERING WHEEL.  JOHNNIE WANTED TO KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING.  “I’M GOING HOME AND EAT SOME BREAKFAST” I TOLD HER.  “IT’S 9:00 O’CLOCK AND THE HOSPITAL HAS ALREADY FED BREAKFAST AND I WOULDN’T GET ANYTHING TO EAT FOR 3 OR 4 HOURS AND I’M  HUNGRY NOW.”

 

AFTER I HAD SOME THING TO EAT I LET JOHNNIE DRIVE ME TO THE HOSPITAL.  WE ENTERED THE EMERGENCY ROOM AND TOLD THEM WHO I WAS AND THAT MY DOCTOR HAD SENT ME OVER.  THEY TOLD ME TO TAKE A NUMBER AND SIT DOWN.  AFTER ABOUT 30 MINUTES SOME GUY WALKS INTO THE ROOM AND CALLED MY NAME.  WE FOLLOWED HIM BACK TO HIS LITTLE CUBBYHOLE AND HE SAYS SIT DOWN AND STARTED ASKING QUESTIONS AND FILLING OUT PAPERS.

 

WOULDN’T YOU KNOW IT, THE FIRST QUESTION HE ASKED WAS “DO YOU HAVE INSURANCE?”  WELL AFTER A FEW MINUTES OF THIS I’M GETTING TIRED OF ALL THE HASSLE AND JOHNNIE IS GETTING ALL STRESSED OUT OVER THE DELAYS.  FINALLY SHE JUMPS UP OUT OF HER CHAIR AND READS THIS GUY THE RIOT ACT.  SHE TOLD HIM THAT OUR DOCTOR HAD CALLED AND SAID TO GET ME IN A ROOM RIGHT AWAY.

 

NOW I DON’T KNOW IF IT WAS THE DOCTOR’S CALL OR JOHNNIE’S WILD EYED, ARM WAVING AND HOLLERING THAT MADE THE GUY PUT IT IN HIGH GEAR.  BUT HE JUMPED UP AND LEFT THE CUBBYHOLE AND HE WAS BACK IN JUST A MINUTE WITH A CANDY STRIPER AND A WHEEL CHAIR.  HE TOLD ME TO GET IN THE WHEEL CHAIR AND THE CANDY STRIPPER WHEELED ME AWAY.

 

AFTER SEVERAL DAYS OF X-RAYS, TESTS AND INTERVIEWS WITH HALF A DOZEN DOCTORS I WAS TOLD I HAD HAD A MILD STROKE.  AGAIN I HAD A DOCTOR TELL ME ALL THE THINGS I SHOULDN’T EAT OR DO.  ARE ALL DOCTORS SO NEGATIVE?

 

ON THE DAY I WAS RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL JOHNNIE'S DOCTOR CAME BY AND HANDED ME A BUNCH OF PRESCRIPTIONS AND TOLD ME TO COME IN TO SEE HIM IN SIX MONTHS.  SIX MONTHS! NOW THAT’S A CHANGE FROM WHAT I’VE BEEN TOLD IN THE PAST. 

 

HE SAID ONE OF THE PRESCRIPTIONS WAS FOR COUMIDAN AND THAT I SHOULD COME IN ONCE A MONTH TO HAVE THE COUMIDAN LEVEL CHECKED IN MY BLOOD.  I JUST KNEW THAT SIX MONTHS SOUNDED TO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

 

ANYWAY AFTER THE FIRST 30 DAYS I WENT IN FOR A CHECK ON THE COUMIDAN LEVEL IN MY BLOOD.  AS I SAT IN THE DOCTORS OFFICE I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.  THEN THIS PRETTY NURSE CALLED MY NAME AND LEAD ME BACK TO AN EXAMINING ROOM.  IN THIS ROOM WAS DR. DIAL AND SHE ASKED ME TO SIT DOWN.

 

PATRICIA, THE NURSE TOOK MY RIGHT HAND IN HERS AND DR. DIAL WRAPPED A BLOOD PRESSURE CUP AROUND MY LEFT ARM.  WHILE DR. RAIN TOOK MY BLOOD PRESSURE, PATRICIA STUCK MY FINGER AND GOT A DROP ON BLOOD FOR THE TEST.  DR. DIAL SAID MY BLOOD PRESSURE WAS A LITTLE HIGH.  I TOLD HER THAT HAPPENED WHEN A PRETTY GIRL HELD MY HAND.

 

PATRICIA LAUGHED AND SAID SHE WAS NOT A GIRL, SHE WAS A GRANDMOTHER.  I DIDN’T BELIEVE HER. NO ONE AS YOUNG AS SHE WAS COULD BE A GRANDMOTHER.  DR. DIAL WAS VERY PLEASANT AND WE VISITED FOR AWHILE AND SHE SAID THAT MY COUMIDAN LEVEL WAS FINE AND THEY WOULD SEE ME NEXT MONTH.

 

EVEN THOUGH DR. DIAL DIDN’T GIVE ME A LOLLIE POP I DIDN’T MIND GOING TO SEE HER.  BUT I STILL DON’T HAVE A DOCTOR AND HAVE NO PLANS TO GET ONE.  I’LL KEEP GOING TO THE COUMIDAN CLINIC BUT ONLY BECAUSE OF DR. DIAL AND PATRICIA.

 

SOME WHERE DOWN THE ROAD I’LL PROBABLY NEED ANOTHER DOCTOR BUT JOHNNIE ALWAYS HAS TWO OR THREE AND I CAN ALWAYS USE ONE OF HERS.

                

  BY LOREN MOORE

COPYRIGHT 2000

 

LOREN

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