Doctors
tell their side of the story
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the
wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
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At the beginning of my shift I placed a
stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's
anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used
to be, "remorsefully replied the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more
than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
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I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on
the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly
what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes
covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
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During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The
patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
now I'm running out of places to put it! " I had him quickly
undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man
had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
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While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion
she answered ..."Why, not for about twenty years -- when my
husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
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I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient
replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
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And Finally . . . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged
lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out
laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work
and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied,
"No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an
Oscar Meyer Wiener'.