EXCUSES
I'M 70 YEARS OLD AND I STILL REMEMBER WHEN I WAS
IN THE SECOND GRADE FOR THE SECOND TIME. YES
YOU HEARD ME RIGHT I FAILED THE SECOND GRADE AND
HAD TO TAKE IT OVER.
MY TEACHER'S NAME WAS MISS MILLNER. SHE WAS IN
HER 50's AND HAD BEEN A TEACHER FOR 30 YEARS.
SHE WORE HER GRAYING HAIR IN A BUN ON THE BACK
OF HER HEAD AND HER VOICE WAS A HIGH SCREECHY
VOICE THAT SOUNDED LIKE SOMEONE RUNNING THEIR
FINGER NAILS DOWN A BLACK BOARD.
NEEDLESS TO SAY MISS MILLNER AND I WERE NOT
COMPATIBLE. I USED ANY EXCUSE TO SKIP SCHOOL
THAT I COULD THINK OF. THAT'S PART OF THE
REASON I WAS IN THE SECOND GRADE FOR THE SECOND
TIME.
I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT ABOUT BEING BACK IN
MISS MILLNER'S CLASS. I HAD SKIPPED SCHOOL
AGAIN AND I WAS TRYING TO TELL MISS MILLNER WHY
I HAD NOT BEEN IN SCHOOL THE DAY BEFORE. MY
EXCUSE WAS INFLUENCED BY SOMETHING I HAD SEEN ON
THE NET RECENTLY. YOU KNOW HOW DREAMS ARE.
I WAS TELLING MISS MILLNER THAT IT WASN'T MY
FAULT THAT I WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE WE HAD
AN EMERGENCY AT MY HOUSE. SHE WANTED TO KNOW
WHAT THE EMERGENCY WAS. SO I TOLD HER A LITTLE
STORY.
WELL YOU SEE IT WAS LIKE THIS. WE RAISE
CHICKENS AND THIS FOX HAS BEEN GETTING INTO THE
HEN HOUSE AT NIGHT AND KILLING OUR CHICKENS.
LAST NIGHT BEFORE HE WENT TO BED DADDY LOADED
HIS SHOTGUN AND PUT IT BESIDE THE BACK DOOR.
NOW DADDY SLEEPS IN THE RAW IF YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN. WELL ABOUT 3:00 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING
DADDY HEARD ALL THE CHICKENS SET UP A SQUAWKING
LIKE YOU NEVER HEARD. DADDY JUMPED OUT OF BED
AND GRABBED HIS SHOTGUN AND RAN OUT TO THE
CHICKEN HOUSE. HE DIDN'T TAKE TIME TO PUT ANY
CLOTHES ON. HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE HIS BOOTS ON.
ALL HE COULD THINK OF WAS TO SHOOT THAT FOX
BEFORE HE KILLED ANY MORE CHICKENS.
HE STUCK HIS DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN THROUGH THE
CHICKEN HOUSE WINDOW AND WAS LOOKING FOR THAT
FOX. THAT'S WHEN OLD FANNIE, OUR BIRD DOG,
WALKED UP BEHIND DADDY AND COLD-NOSED HIM
WITHOUT WARNING.
MISS MILLNER WE SPENT THE WHOLE DAY CLEANING
CHICKENS. AND THAT'S WHY I WASN'T AT SCHOOL
YESTERDAY.
WELL IN MY DREAM MISS MILLNER DIDN'T BUY MY
EXCUSE. BUT AFTER I WOKE UP I REMEMBERED SOME
OF THE EXCUSES I USED WHEN I WAS IN THE SECOND
GRADE AND THEY WERE ABOUT AS FAR-FETCHED AS THIS
ONE. I REMEMBER ONE TIME I DID TELL HER….. BUT
NO. THAT'S A WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A DIFFERENT
TIME.