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EXCUSES

 

 



 

I'M 70 YEARS OLD AND I STILL REMEMBER WHEN I WAS IN THE SECOND GRADE FOR THE SECOND TIME. YES YOU HEARD ME RIGHT I FAILED THE SECOND GRADE AND HAD TO TAKE IT OVER.

MY TEACHER'S NAME WAS MISS MILLNER. SHE WAS IN HER 50's AND HAD BEEN A TEACHER FOR 30 YEARS. SHE WORE HER GRAYING HAIR IN A BUN ON THE BACK OF HER HEAD AND HER VOICE WAS A HIGH SCREECHY VOICE THAT SOUNDED LIKE SOMEONE RUNNING THEIR FINGER NAILS DOWN A BLACK BOARD.

NEEDLESS TO SAY MISS MILLNER AND I WERE NOT COMPATIBLE. I USED ANY EXCUSE TO SKIP SCHOOL THAT I COULD THINK OF. THAT'S PART OF THE REASON I WAS IN THE SECOND GRADE FOR THE SECOND TIME.

I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT ABOUT BEING BACK IN MISS MILLNER'S CLASS. I HAD SKIPPED SCHOOL AGAIN AND I WAS TRYING TO TELL MISS MILLNER WHY I HAD NOT BEEN IN SCHOOL THE DAY BEFORE. MY EXCUSE WAS INFLUENCED BY SOMETHING I HAD SEEN ON THE NET RESENTLY. YOU KNOW HOW DREAMS ARE.

I WAS TELLING MISS MILLNER THAT IT WASN'T MY FAULT THAT I WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE WE HAD AN EMERGENCY AT MY HOUSE. SHE WANTED TO KNOW WHAT THE EMERGENCY WAS. SO I TOLD HER A LITTLE STORY.

WELL YOU SEE IT WAS LIKE THIS. WE RAISE CHICKENS AND THIS FOX HAS BEEN GETTING INTO THE HEN HOUSE AT NIGHT AND KILLING OUR CHICKENS. LAST NIGHT BEFORE HE WENT TO BED DADDY LOADED HIS SHOTGUN AND PUT IT BESIDE THE BACK DOOR.

NOW DADDY SLEEPS IN THE RAW IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. WELL ABOUT 3:00 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING DADDY HEARD ALL THE CHICKENS SET UP A SQUAWKING LIKE YOU NEVER HEARD. DADDY JUMPED OUT OF BED AND GRABBED HIS SHOTGUN AND RAN OUT TO THE CHICKEN HOUSE. HE DIDN'T TAKE TIME TO PUT ANY CLOTHES ON. HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE HIS BOOTS ON. ALL HE COULD THINK OF WAS TO SHOOT THAT FOX BEFORE HE KILLED ANY MORE CHICKENS.

HE STUCK HIS DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN THROUGH THE CHICKEN HOUSE WINDOW AND WAS LOOKING FOR THAT FOX. THAT'S WHEN OLD FANNIE, OUR BIRD DOG, WALKED UP BEHIND DADDY AND COLD-NOSED HIM WITHOUT WARNING.

MISS MILLNER WE SPENT THE WHOLE DAY CLEANING CHICKENS. AND THAT'S WHY I WASN'T AT SCHOOL YESTERDAY.

WELL IN MY DREAM MISS MILLNER DIDN'T BUY MY EXCUSE. BUT AFTER I WOKE UP I REMEMBERED SOME OF THE EXCUSES I USED WHEN I WAS IN THE SECOND GRADE AND THEY WERE ABOUT AS FAR-FETCHED AS THIS ONE. I REMEMBER ONE TIME I DID TELL HERů.. BUT NO. THAT'S A WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A DIFFERENT TIME.

 

2002 BY LOREN MOORE

 

 

 

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