I
WENT OUT TO MY MAIL BOX THE OTHER DAY TO SEE IF I HAD
ANY MAIL. WHEN I OPENED THE LID I SAW A PACKAGE ABOUT
EIGHT INCHES SQUARE AND FIVE INCHES THICK AND A BUNCH
OF BILLS AND ADVERTISEMENTS. I TOOK ALL OF IT BACK
INTO THE HOUSE AND LAID IT ON MY DESK. I WENT THROUGH
THE ADVERTISEMENTS AND THREW THEM IN THE TRASH BUCKET.
I LOOKED AT THE BILLS AND LAID THEM ASIDE FOR NOW.
THEN I TURNED MY ATTENTION TO THE PACKAGE.
NOW WHO WOULD BE SENDING ME A PACKAGE, I
WONDERED? I WASN'T EXPECTING ANYTHING. I LOOKED AT THE
RETURN ADDRESS AND IT SAID, "MOORE, 2904 LACHELLE,
ARLINGTON, TX 76010." HEY WAIT A MINUTE THAT'S ME AND
I DIDN'T SEND ME A PACKAGE. I'M BEGINNING TO GET THAT
DEJA VU FEELING.
THE ADDRESS LABEL WAS HOME MADE OUT OF A PIECE
OF NOTEBOOK PAPER, AND THE ADDRESS WAS HAND PRINTED.
"MR. LOREN MOORE; 2904 LACHELLE; ARLINGTON, TX 76010"
I LOOKED AT THE POSTAGE STRIP AND IT TOLD ME THE
PACKAGE HAD BEEN MAILED IN CHANDLER, TEXAS.
I TOOK OUT MY POCKET KNIFE AND CUT THE TAPE
AND PAPER ON ONE END SO I COULD SLIDE THE BOX OUT OF
THE WRAPPING. WHEN I OPENED THE BOX IT WAS FULL OF
BUBBLE WRAP. I TOOK OUT THE BUBBLE WRAP AND STARTED
UNWRAPPING IT. WHEN I GOT DOWN TO THE ITEM THAT WAS
WRAPPED UP IN ALL THE BUBBLE WRAP I SAW IT WAS …… IT
WAS A, (GASP!) A BAR OF LIFEBUOY SOAP!
THERE WAS A NOTE ON TOP OF THE BAR OF SOAP
THAT SAID, "HI, HERE IS ANOTHER OLD FRIEND OF YOURS.
ENJOY THE VISIT" WELL AFTER I GOT
OVER THE INITIAL SHOCK. I THOUGHT I'VE GOT TO FIND OUT
WHO SENT THIS PACKAGE, SO I HIRED THE SERVICES OF A
PRIVATE DETECTIVE. I TOLD HER (YES IT WAS A HER) TO
FIND OUT WHO HAD MAILED ME THIS PACKAGE FROM CHANDLER.
I KNOW SHE TRIED BUT AFTER A WEEK SHE HAD
NOTHING TO REPORT, SO I DECIDED TO TRY SOMETHING
MYSELF. I WAS GOING TO BE SNEAKY ABOUT IT AND I
EMAILED EVERYONE IN MY EMAIL ADDRESS BOOK A QUESTION.
THAT QUESTION WAS, "SOMEONE THAT LIVES IN OR NEAR
CHANDLER, TEXAS, TELL ME WHERE THE POST OFFICE IS."
THIS IS LOREN'S WIFE JOHNNIE. LOREN ASKED ME
TO FINISH TYPING THIS STORY FOR HIM.
FIRST LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE BACK GROUND SO YOU CAN
UNDERSTAND THE STORY. SOMETIME AGO HE WROTE A STORY
ABOUT LOSING A FRIEND. THAT STORY WAS "LIFEBUOY." THEN
HE WROTE ANOTHER STORY TITLED "THE OTHER SHOE." NOW HE
IS WRITING A STORY TITLED JOKERS ARE WILD. WELL THAT'S
NOT EXACTLY TRUE. I MEAN IT'S HIS STORY BUT HE IS NOT
WRITING IT. HE IS DICTATING IT TO ME AND I'M WRITING
IT DOWN IN A SPIRAL NOTEBOOK. THEN I'M SUPPOSED TO
TYPE IT INTO THE COMPUTER AND POST IT FOR HIM.
DOES THAT SOUND STRANGE?
LET ME TELL YOU WHY IT HAS TO BE DONE THIS
WAY. YOU SEE AFTER LOREN SENT THAT EMAIL TO EVERYONE
IN HIS ADDRESS BOOK (YOU KNOW THE ONE THAT SAID,
"SOMEONE THAT LIVES IN OR NEAR CHANDLER, TEXAS, TELL
ME WHERE THE POST OFFICE IS) HE WOULD GET UP EACH
MORNING AND RUN TO THE COMPUTER TO CHECK HIS EMAIL TO
SEE IF ANYONE HAD ANSWERED HIM.
IT GOT TO THE POINT THAT HE WOULDN'T LEAVE HIS
COMPUTER LONG ENOUGH TO EAT SOMETHING. EVENTUALLY IT
GOT SO BAD HE WOULDN'T GO TO BED AT NIGHT. I REALLY
BEGAN TO WORRY ABOUT HIM. ONE MORNING WHEN I GOT OUT
OF BED I WENT INTO THE OFFICE TO CHECK ON HIM AND HE
WAS SITTING IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER WITH HIS THUMB IN
HIS MOUTH. HE HAD A GLAZED LOOK TO HIS EYES. HE WAS IN
A CATATONIC STUPOR AND SUCKING HIS THUMB.
THAT'S WHEN I CALLED AN AMBULANCE AND HAD HIM
TAKEN TO THIS "SPECIAL HOSPITAL."
HE'S BEEN HERE TWO WEEKS NOW AND HE IS BETTER BUT THEY
STILL WONT LET HIM HAVE ANYTHING WITH A SHARP EDGE OR
POINT ON IT. (BUT HIS SHOCK TREATMENTS ARE OVER.)
THAT'S WHY HE CAN'T HAVE A PENCIL AND HE HAS TO
DICTATE THIS STORY TO ME.
HE TELLS ME IF SOMEONE SHOULD ANSWER HIS
INQUIRY ABOUT THE POST OFFICE IN CHANDLER TO TELL THEM
"THANK YOU." WHEN HE GETS OUT OF THE HOSPITAL HE IS
GOING TO …… BUT NO THAT'S A WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A
DIFFERENT TIME.
MAN DID I JUST SAY THAT? THAT SOUNDS JUST LIKE
LOREN. MAYBE I'VE LIVED TOO LONG WITH THIS MAN. WE'VE
BEEN MARRIED 51 YEARS NOW. AFTER THAT LONG OF A TIME I
GUESS SOME OF THE OTHER ONE RUBS OFF ON YOU WITHOUT
YOU KNOWING IT.