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MY COMPUTER  

                                                                  

 

 

 

    WELL I FINALLY DID IT.  I GOT A COMPUTER.  COMING OUT OF THE DARK AGES IS HARD.  BUT ONCE I EXCHANGED MY ROTARY DIAL TELEPHONE FOR A PUSH BUTTON ONE THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK.  NEXT CAME A WORD PROCESSOR AND NOW A COMPUTER.

 

    IíVE ALREADY TOLD YOU HOW I LEARNED THAT IT ONLY COST ME 18 CENTS A MONTH MORE BY THE PHONE COMPANY TO CHANGE MY SERVICE FROM PULSE TO TONE.  I STILL HAVE NIGHT- MARES ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO PUSH ONE FOR THIS AND PUSH TWO FOR THAT AND PUSH THREE FOR SOMETHING ELSE.  NOW I LOOK FOR SOMEONE TO CALL THAT WANTS  ME TO PUSH MORE BUTTONS JUST FOR THE SATISFACTION OF DOING IT.  I CALLED MY DOCTORíS OFFICE THE OTHER DAY AND HIS PHONE TOLD ME TO PUSH TWO IF I WANTED TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.  I PUSHED TWO.  A VOICE COMES ON THE LINE AN ASK ME FOR MY NAME.  I GIVE IT AND ASK HER , ďWHAT IS YOUR NAME?Ē  SHE SAID ďYOU KNOW ME MR. MOORE, THIS IS LINDA.Ē ď OH HI LINDA HOW ARE YOU?Ē  SHE SAID ďIíM JUST FINE MR. MOORE THANK YOU FOR ASKING.  DO YOU WISH TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE THE DOCTOR?Ē  ďNO,Ē I TOLD HER I JUST DIALED YOUR NUMBER SO I COULD PUSH SOME BUTTONS.  THERE WAS A LONG PAUSE THEN SHE SAID ďMAYBE WE SHOULD MAKE YOU AN APPOINTMENT WITH DR. JANG, HEíS A PSYCHOLOGIST.Ē  I HUNG UP!

 

    WELL THE NEXT STEP OUT OF THE DARK AGES WAS A WORD PROCESSOR.  A BROTHERS WP 6700 CJ.  I DONíT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT THATíS WHAT IT SAYS ON THE FRONT OF THE MACHINE.  I GOT IT FROM MY GRANDDAUGHTER. BUT THATíS A WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A DIFFERENT TIME.  THIS WORD PROCESSOR CAME WITH AN OWNERS MANUAL.  AFTER READING IT FROM COVER TO COVER I WAS THOROUGHLY CONFUSED.  BUT I DID LEARN WHERE THE ON SWITCH WAS SO I TURNED IT ON.  THE FIRST THING I SEE IS A MENU.  IT SAYS PUSH ONE FOR WORD PROCESSING, PUSH TWO FOR SPREAD SHEET, PUSH THREE FOR ADDRESS BOOK, AND SO ON.  I WONDER IF THIS WORD PROCESSOR IS KEN TO MY TELEPHONE. 

 

    ANYWAY AFTER TWO MONTHS I GOT WHERE I COULD TYPE A STORY ON THE WORD PROCESSOR.  IT EVEN HAS A SPELL CHECK THAT I CAN TURN ON WHEN IíM TYPING MY STORY.  WHEN I MIS-SPELL A WORD IT BEEPS AND WONíT GO ON UNTIL I CORRECT IT.  ONE NIGHT WHEN I WAS TRYING TO TYPE A STORY THE BEEPS WERE GOING OFF SO REGULARLY THAT JOHNNIE STUCK HER HEAD IN THE OFFICE TO SEE WHERE THAT BABY BIRD WAS.  I EVEN LEARNED HOW TO SAVE MY STORIES ON A FLOPPY DISK SO I COULD MAKE COPIES OF THEM WITHOUT HAVING TO TYPE THEM AGAIN.

 

    WELL AFTER THE WORD PROCESSOR EVERYONE KEPT TELLING ME I SHOULD GET A COMPUTER.  THEY KEPT TELLING ME A COMPUTER IS SO MUCH EASIER TO USE THAN A WORD PROCESSOR.  YOU CAN DO SO MUCH MORE WITH A COMPUTER.  YOU CAN TYPE YOUR STORIES AND STORE THEM IN THE COMPUTER WITHOUT HAVING TO MESS WITH THE DISKS.  YOU CAN E-MAIL YOUR STORIES TO YOUR FRIENDS.  YOU CAN LOOK THINGS UP ON THE WEB.  WITH A SCANNER AND A PRINTER YOU CAN EVEN CROP AND ENLARGE AND PRINT PHOTOGRAPHS. YOU CAN KEEP ALL YOUR RECORDS ON IT, THEY SAID, AND YOU CAN EVEN PLAY SOLITAIRE ON IT.

 

    WELL THAT CONVINCED ME.  I GOT A COMPUTER.  NOW IíM TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO USE IT.  WHEN I TURN IT ON A VERY COLORFUL FLAG WAVES AND DANCES AROUND THE SCREEN.  IT IS ACCOMPANIED BY INSPIRING MUSIC AND THEN THE SCREEN ANNOUNCES WINDOWS 98.  ALL OF A SUDDEN THAT DISAPPEARS AND THE SCREEN SHOWS WHAT IíM TOLD IS MY DESK TOP.  IT SURE DOESNíT LOOK LIKE MY DESK TOP WITH ALL THE PAPERS, ROLODEX, PHONE, CALENDAR, ADDING MACHINE, AND ----- WELL YOU GET THE IDEA.  THIS DESK TOP ON THE SCREEN JUST SHOWS A BUNCH OF LITTLE PICTURES WITH LABELS UNDER THEM.

 

    IíM TOLD TO POINT THE LITTLE ARROW AT ONE AND DOUBLE CLICK MY MOUSE.  OH THE MOUSE IS THAT LITTLE THING YOU PUT YOUR HAND ON AND ROLL AROUND ON THE TABLE.  IT HAS A RIGHT HAND BUTTON AND A LEFT HAND BUTTON YOU CAN CLICK.  WHEN YOU ROLL YOUR MOUSE AROUND ON THE TABLE IT MAKES THE LITTLE ARROW MOVE AROUND ON THE SCREEN.  THE FIRST DAY I HAD MY COMPUTER I ROLLED THE MOUSE OFF THE EDGE OF THE TABLE AND IT FELL TO THE FLOOR.  I SPENT THE NEXT FOUR HOURS LOOKING FOR THAT LITTLE ARROW.  DURING THAT TIME ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS THAT POEM THAT SAID SOMETHING LIKE ď I SHOT AN ARROW IN TO THE AIR, IT FELL TO EARTH I KNOW NOT WHERE.Ē  I THINK THE GUY THAT WROTE IT WAS HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW.  I WONDER IF HE HAD TROUBLE FINDING THE LITTLE ARROW ON HIS COMPUTER SCREEN AND THAT IS WHAT INSPIRED HIM TO WRITE THAT POEM.

 

    ANYWAY WHEN I FOUND MY ARROW I POINTED IT AT THIS LITTLE PICTURE OF A COMPUTER WITH THE LABEL MY COMPUTER UNDER IT AND CLICK CLICKED. ANOTHER WINDOW OPENED UP ON THE SCREEN WITH MORE LITTLE PICTURES.  ONE OF THEM SHOWED A HAMMER AND A SCREW DRIVER AND WAS LABELED CONTROL PANEL.  SO I CLICK CLICKED ON IT AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW?  ANOTHER WINDOW WITH MORE PICTURES.  ONE OF THEM IS A PICTURE OF MY MOUSE.  SO I CLICK CLICKED ON IT.  AT LAST A WINDOW THAT SAYS MOUSE PROPERTIES.  NO I DONíT KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS  BUT I FEEL LIKE I HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN SOMEWHERE.  WHERE I DONíT KNOW AND WHAT IíM SUPPOSE TO DO NOW THAT IíM HERE I DONíT KNOW.  BUT I HAVE ARRIVED!! 

 

    AFTER STAYING THERE FOR A FEW MINUTES I WONDER WHERE ELSE I CAN GO.  SO I BACK OUT OF ALL THOSE DIFFERENT WINDOWS AND GO BACK TO MY DESK TOP.  THE ONE ON THE COMPUTER NOT THE ONE ON TOP OF MY DESK. 

 

    I SEE THIS WORD DOWN AT THE BOTTOM OF MY SCREEN THAT SAYS  ďSTART.Ē  WELL I GUESS I HAD STARTED WITHOUT MY COMPUTER BECAUSE I HADNíT CLICKED ON START.  SO I CLICK ON START AND A WHOLE LIST OF GOODIES COMES UP ON MY SCREEN.  I LOOK THEM OVER AND CLICK ON PROGRAMS.  WAL-LA ANOTHER LIST.  I PICK OUT ACCESSORIES AND CLICK ON IT.  WOULDNíT YOU KNOW IT ANOTHER LIST. DECISIONS, DECISIONS!  I READ THIS LIST AND ONE WORD JUMPS OUT AT ME.  ďGAMES.Ē  SO I CLICK ON GAMES AND I GET ANOTHER LIST.  IS THERE NO END TO THESE LIST?  AH BUT THIS LIST HAS ďSOLITAIREĒ ON IT.  I CLICK ON SOLITAIRE AND GET A DECK OF CARDS LAID OUT FOR A GAME OF SOLITAIRE.  I THINK, WHAT THE HECK, ITíS TAKEN ME FIVE HOURS TO GET HERE, I MIGHT AS WELL PLAY A GAME. 

 

    AFTER SEVERAL GAMES I'M TURNING THE COMPUTER OFF AND GOING TO BED.  NOW I KNOW IíM SUPPOSE TO DO MORE WITH MY COMPUTER THEN PLAY SOLITAIRE, SO TOMORROW MORNING RIGHT AFTER BREAKFAST I'LL TURN THE DARN THING BACK ON.........BUT THATíS A WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A DIFFERENT TIME.

  BY LOREN MOORE

COPYRIGHT 1999

                                                                             

 

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