WELL I FINALLY DID IT. I GOT A COMPUTER. COMING OUT OF THE
DARK AGES IS HARD. BUT ONCE I EXCHANGED MY ROTARY DIAL
TELEPHONE FOR A PUSH BUTTON ONE THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK.
NEXT CAME A WORD PROCESSOR AND NOW A COMPUTER.
I’VE ALREADY
TOLD YOU HOW I LEARNED THAT IT ONLY COST ME 18 CENTS A MONTH
MORE BY THE PHONE COMPANY TO CHANGE MY SERVICE FROM PULSE TO
TONE. I STILL HAVE NIGHT- MARES ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO PUSH
ONE FOR THIS AND PUSH TWO FOR THAT AND PUSH THREE FOR
SOMETHING ELSE. NOW I LOOK FOR SOMEONE TO CALL THAT WANTS ME
TO PUSH MORE BUTTONS JUST FOR THE SATISFACTION OF DOING IT. I
CALLED MY DOCTOR’S OFFICE THE OTHER DAY AND HIS PHONE TOLD ME
TO PUSH TWO IF I WANTED TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT. I PUSHED
TWO. A VOICE COMES ON THE LINE AN ASK ME FOR MY NAME. I GIVE
IT AND ASK HER , “WHAT IS YOUR NAME?” SHE SAID “YOU KNOW ME
MR. MOORE, THIS IS LINDA.” “ OH HI LINDA HOW ARE YOU?” SHE
SAID “I’M JUST FINE MR. MOORE THANK YOU FOR ASKING. DO YOU
WISH TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE THE DOCTOR?” “NO,” I TOLD
HER I JUST DIALED YOUR NUMBER SO I COULD PUSH SOME BUTTONS.
THERE WAS A LONG PAUSE THEN SHE SAID “MAYBE WE SHOULD MAKE YOU
AN APPOINTMENT WITH DR. JANG, HE’S A PSYCHOLOGIST.” I HUNG
UP!
WELL THE NEXT
STEP OUT OF THE DARK AGES WAS A WORD PROCESSOR. A BROTHERS WP
6700 CJ. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT THAT’S WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE FRONT OF THE MACHINE. I GOT IT FROM MY GRANDDAUGHTER.
BUT THAT’S A WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A DIFFERENT TIME. THIS
WORD PROCESSOR CAME WITH AN OWNERS MANUAL. AFTER READING IT
FROM COVER TO COVER I WAS THOROUGHLY CONFUSED. BUT I DID
LEARN WHERE THE ON SWITCH WAS SO I TURNED IT ON. THE FIRST
THING I SEE IS A MENU. IT SAYS PUSH ONE FOR WORD PROCESSING,
PUSH TWO FOR SPREAD SHEET, PUSH THREE FOR ADDRESS BOOK, AND SO
ON. I WONDER IF THIS WORD PROCESSOR IS KEN TO MY TELEPHONE.
ANYWAY AFTER
TWO MONTHS I GOT WHERE I COULD TYPE A STORY ON THE WORD
PROCESSOR. IT EVEN HAS A SPELL CHECK THAT I CAN TURN ON WHEN
I’M TYPING MY STORY. WHEN I MIS-SPELL A WORD IT BEEPS AND
WON’T GO ON UNTIL I CORRECT IT. ONE NIGHT WHEN I WAS TRYING
TO TYPE A STORY THE BEEPS WERE GOING OFF SO REGULARLY THAT
JOHNNIE STUCK HER HEAD IN THE OFFICE TO SEE WHERE THAT BABY
BIRD WAS. I EVEN LEARNED HOW TO SAVE MY STORIES ON A FLOPPY
DISK SO I COULD MAKE COPIES OF THEM WITHOUT HAVING TO TYPE
THEM AGAIN.
WELL AFTER THE
WORD PROCESSOR EVERYONE KEPT TELLING ME I SHOULD GET A
COMPUTER. THEY KEPT TELLING ME A COMPUTER IS SO MUCH EASIER
TO USE THAN A WORD PROCESSOR. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH MORE WITH A
COMPUTER. YOU CAN TYPE YOUR STORIES AND STORE THEM IN THE
COMPUTER WITHOUT HAVING TO MESS WITH THE DISKS. YOU CAN
E-MAIL YOUR STORIES TO YOUR FRIENDS. YOU CAN LOOK THINGS UP
ON THE WEB. WITH A SCANNER AND A PRINTER YOU CAN EVEN CROP
AND ENLARGE AND PRINT PHOTOGRAPHS. YOU CAN KEEP ALL YOUR
RECORDS ON IT, THEY SAID, AND YOU CAN EVEN PLAY SOLITAIRE ON
IT.
WELL THAT
CONVINCED ME. I GOT A COMPUTER. NOW I’M TRYING TO LEARN HOW
TO USE IT. WHEN I TURN IT ON A VERY COLORFUL FLAG WAVES AND
DANCES AROUND THE SCREEN. IT IS ACCOMPANIED BY INSPIRING
MUSIC AND THEN THE SCREEN ANNOUNCES WINDOWS 98. ALL OF A
SUDDEN THAT DISAPPEARS AND THE SCREEN SHOWS WHAT I’M TOLD IS
MY DESK TOP. IT SURE DOESN’T LOOK LIKE MY DESK TOP WITH ALL
THE PAPERS, ROLODEX, PHONE, CALENDAR, ADDING MACHINE, AND
----- WELL YOU GET THE IDEA. THIS DESK TOP ON THE SCREEN JUST
SHOWS A BUNCH OF LITTLE PICTURES WITH LABELS UNDER THEM.
I’M TOLD TO
POINT THE LITTLE ARROW AT ONE AND DOUBLE CLICK MY MOUSE. OH
THE MOUSE IS THAT LITTLE THING YOU PUT YOUR HAND ON AND ROLL
AROUND ON THE TABLE. IT HAS A RIGHT HAND BUTTON AND A LEFT
HAND BUTTON YOU CAN CLICK. WHEN YOU ROLL YOUR MOUSE AROUND ON
THE TABLE IT MAKES THE LITTLE ARROW MOVE AROUND ON THE
SCREEN. THE FIRST DAY I HAD MY COMPUTER I ROLLED THE MOUSE
OFF THE EDGE OF THE TABLE AND IT FELL TO THE FLOOR. I SPENT
THE NEXT FOUR HOURS LOOKING FOR THAT LITTLE ARROW. DURING
THAT TIME ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS THAT POEM THAT SAID
SOMETHING LIKE “ I SHOT AN ARROW IN TO THE AIR, IT FELL TO
EARTH I KNOW NOT WHERE.” I THINK THE GUY THAT WROTE IT WAS
HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW. I WONDER IF HE HAD TROUBLE
FINDING THE LITTLE ARROW ON HIS COMPUTER SCREEN AND THAT IS
WHAT INSPIRED HIM TO WRITE THAT POEM.
ANYWAY WHEN I
FOUND MY ARROW I POINTED IT AT THIS LITTLE PICTURE OF A
COMPUTER WITH THE LABEL MY COMPUTER UNDER IT AND CLICK
CLICKED. ANOTHER WINDOW OPENED UP ON THE SCREEN WITH MORE
LITTLE PICTURES. ONE OF THEM SHOWED A HAMMER AND A SCREW
DRIVER AND WAS LABELED CONTROL PANEL. SO I CLICK CLICKED ON
IT AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW? ANOTHER WINDOW WITH MORE PICTURES.
ONE OF THEM IS A PICTURE OF MY MOUSE. SO I CLICK CLICKED ON
IT. AT LAST A WINDOW THAT SAYS MOUSE PROPERTIES. NO I DON’T
KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS BUT I FEEL LIKE I HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN
SOMEWHERE. WHERE I DON’T KNOW AND WHAT I’M SUPPOSE TO DO NOW
THAT I’M HERE I DON’T KNOW. BUT I HAVE ARRIVED!!
AFTER STAYING
THERE FOR A FEW MINUTES I WONDER WHERE ELSE I CAN GO. SO I
BACK OUT OF ALL THOSE DIFFERENT WINDOWS AND GO BACK TO MY DESK
TOP. THE ONE ON THE COMPUTER NOT THE ONE ON TOP OF MY DESK.
I SEE THIS
WORD DOWN AT THE BOTTOM OF MY SCREEN THAT SAYS “START.” WELL
I GUESS I HAD STARTED WITHOUT MY COMPUTER BECAUSE I HADN’T
CLICKED ON START. SO I CLICK ON START AND A WHOLE LIST OF
GOODIES COMES UP ON MY SCREEN. I LOOK THEM OVER AND CLICK ON
PROGRAMS. WAL-LA ANOTHER LIST. I PICK OUT ACCESSORIES AND
CLICK ON IT. WOULDN’T YOU KNOW IT ANOTHER LIST. DECISIONS,
DECISIONS! I READ THIS LIST AND ONE WORD JUMPS OUT AT ME.
“GAMES.” SO I CLICK ON GAMES AND I GET ANOTHER LIST. IS
THERE NO END TO THESE LIST? AH BUT THIS LIST HAS “SOLITAIRE”
ON IT. I CLICK ON SOLITAIRE AND GET A DECK OF CARDS LAID OUT
FOR A GAME OF SOLITAIRE. I THINK, WHAT THE HECK, IT’S TAKEN
ME FIVE HOURS TO GET HERE, I MIGHT AS WELL PLAY A GAME.
AFTER SEVERAL GAMES I'M TURNING THE COMPUTER OFF AND GOING TO
BED. NOW I KNOW I’M SUPPOSE TO DO MORE WITH MY COMPUTER THEN
PLAY SOLITAIRE, SO TOMORROW MORNING RIGHT AFTER BREAKFAST I'LL
TURN THE DARN THING BACK ON.........BUT
THAT’S A WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR
A DIFFERENT TIME.
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