ON
THE ROAD AGAIN
ON THE
ROAD AGAIN
JUST
CAN’T WAIT TO GET ON THE ROAD AGAIN
THE
LIFE I LOVE IS MAKIN’ MUSIC WITH MY FRIENDS
AND I
CAN’T WAIT TO GET ON THE ROAD AGAIN
ON THE
ROAD AGAIN
GOIN’
PLACES THAT I’VE NEVER BEEN
SEEIN’
THINGS THAT I MAY NEVER SEE AGAIN
AND
CAN’T WAIT TO GET ON THE ROAD AGAIN.
SANG
WILLIE NELSON ON MY PICKUP RADIO AS I DROVE WEST ON INTERSTATE
20. I HAD LEFT ARLINGTON EARLY THIS MORNING AND WAS ON MY WAY TO
SEE CALIFORNIA BEFORE IT SLID OFF INTO THE OCEAN. I HAD BEEN
READING A GROCERY STORE TABLOID NAMED “ENQUIRER” THAT SAID
CALIFORNIA’S DAYS WERE NUMBERED.
I HAD
PASSED THROUGH FORT WORTH, ABILENE AND WAS NOW COMING UP ON
ODESSA. I THOUGHT ABOUT STOPPING AT ODESSA AT A RESTAURANT FOR A
MEAL BUT I REALLY DIDN’T WANT TO TAKE THAT MUCH TIME. I WANTED TO
MAKE IT TO EL PASO BEFORE I STOPPED FOR THE NIGHT.
SO I
PULLED INTO THE NEXT REST AREA I CAME TO. I WENT TO THE BATHROOM,
THEN CLIMBED INTO MY CAMPER AND MADE ME A PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH.
I WRAPPED IT IN A VIVA PAPER TOWEL, GOT A CAN OF 7 UP OUT OF MY
IGLOO ICE CHEST AND WAS BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN IN TEN MINUTES.
WHEN I
CAME TO WHERE INTERSTATE 20 MERGED WITH INTERSTATE 10 I KNEW I
ONLY HAD 150 MILES TO GO. NOW IT’S ALMOST 700 MILES FROM MY HOUSE
TO EL PASO. I HAVE 24 GALLON SADDLE TANKS ON MY PICKUP SO I
FIGURED I COULD MAKE EL PASO BEFORE I HAD TO BUY GASOLINE. MY
PICKUP GETS 16 MILES TO THE GALLON. YOU DO THE MATH.
IT WAS
GETTING DARK AND I HAD ALREADY EMPTIED ONE TANK AND THE OTHER ONE
WAS SHOWING ALMOST EMPTY, WHEN I TOPPED A LITTLE RISE AND SAW THE
LIGHTS OF EL PASO SPREAD OUT IN FRONT OF ME. I HEAVED A BIG SIGH
OF RELIEF. JUST A LITTLE FARTHER DOWN THE ROAD I CAME TO A TEXACO
SERVICE STATION. I PULLED IN AND FILLED BOTH TANKS.
THEN I
PULLED BACK OUT ON THE HIGHWAY AND 7 MILES FARTHER I SAW A SIGN
FOR A K O A CAMP GROUND. I SPENT THE NIGHT THERE. WITH
ELECTRICITY IN MY CAMPER, I COOKED ME SOME SUPPER. THE NEXT
MORNING I SLEEP IN AND COOKED SOME BACON AND EGGS FOR BREAKFAST.
AFTER
BREAKFAST I WAS BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN. I WENT THROUGH LAS
CRUCES, NEW MEXICO AND CROSSED THE ARIZONA STATE LINE AFTER GOING
PASSED LORDSBURG.
WHEN I
GOT TO TUCSON, I DECIDED I WANTED SOME REAL MEXICAN FOOD SO I
STOPPED AT A NICE RESTAURANT AND WHILE I WAS WAITING TO BE SEATED
I PICKED UP A BROCHURE FOR A RACK BY THE DOOR. IT SAID TOMBSTONE
ON THE FRONT OF IT. BEFORE I COULD READ IT THE WAITRESS WAS THERE
TO SEAT ME.
AFTER
I GAVE HER MY ORDER I LOOKED OVER THE BROCHURE. IT SAID THAT
TOMBSTONE WAS THE HOME OF THE OK CORRAL WHERE THE FAMOUS GUN FIGHT
BETWEEN WYATT EARP AND HIS BROTHERS AND THE BILLY CLANTON GANG
TOOK PLACE. IT ALSO SAID THAT THERE WERE SEVERAL OF THE ORIGINAL
SALOONS WERE STILL THERE.
I
FINISHED EATING AND DECIDED I WOULD GO TO TOMBSTONE. IT WAS JUST
OUT SIDE OF TUCSON A LITTLE WAYS. WHEN I GOT THERE I WENT IN ONE
OF THE SALOONS AND SAT DOWN AT A TABLE AND WAS DRINKING A BEER
WHEN THIS GUY CAME IN AND TOLD EVERYONE TO GET OUT. THEY WERE
FILMING A MOVIE AND WERE READY TO TAKE SOME FILM INSIDE THE
SALOON. WHEN I STOOD UP TO LEAVE, HE TOLD ME TO SIT BACK DOWN.
THEY NEEDED SOME PEOPLE SITTING AT THE TABLES FOR THE SHOOT.
I
GUESS THE FACT THAT I HAD ON MY COWBOY BOOTS, BLUE JEANS AND A RED
FLANNEL SHIRT, WAS THE REASON HE LET ME STAY. THAT AND MY WESTERN
HAT WAS SETTING ON THE TABLE BY MY ELBOW. I WASN’T PAID ANY MONEY
BUT JUST BEING IN A MOVIE GAVE ME BRAGGING RIGHTS. BUT THAT’S A
WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A DIFFERENT TIME.
ANYWAY
BY THE TIME I GOT BACK TO TUCSON I DECIDED I WOULD SPEND THE NIGHT
AND GET BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN IN THE MORNING. THERE WASN’T A K O
A CAMP GROUND IN TUCSON SO I SPENT THE NIGHT IN A MOTEL.
THE
NEXT MORNING I’M ON MY WAY TO PHOENIX AND WHEN I GET THERE I GET
MIXED UP IN ALL THE ROADS AND WIND UP GOING THE WRONG WAY. I HAVE
TO GET OFF THE BIG DIVIDED HIGHWAY AND TURN AROUND. BEFORE I GET
BACK ON I-10 I SEE THIS ROAD SIDE STAND WITH GRAPEFRUIT AND
ORANGES. I STOPPED AND BOUGHT A DOZEN ORANGES.
AS I’M
DRIVING ALONG I PEEL ONE OF THE ORANGES AND EAT IT. IT IS ONE OF
THE SWEETEST, JUICIEST, BEST TASTING ORANGES I HAVE EVER EATEN.
AFTER DRIVING FOR ANOTHER HOUR I HAVE COME TO THE CALIFORNIA
BORDER.
THERE
IS A BARRICADE ACROSS THE HIGHWAY WITH A LITTLE HOUSE BY IT. WHEN
I PULL UP TO THIS BARRICADE A MAN WITH A UNIFORM, BADGE AND GUN
GOES OUT. HE SAYS, “WELL HELLO TEX.” I GUESS HE HAS SEEN MY
TEXAS LICENSE PLATE. BEFORE I CAN ANSWER HE ASKED IF I HAVE ANY
PLANTS OR FRUIT IN MY PICKUP.
I LOOK
OVER AT MY SACK OF ORANGES AND THINK THAT THIS GUY IS PRETTY HOT
AND THIRSTY SITTING OUT HERE ALL BY HIMSELF. SO I REACH OVER AND
TAKE ONE ORANGE OUT OF THE SACK AND HAND IT TO HIM. I EXPECT HIM
TO SAY THANK YOU. BUT NO, HE SAYS LISTEN YOU IGNORANT TEXAS
REDNECK, HAND ME THAT SACK AND ALL THE ORANGES.
NOW
I’M PROUD I’M FROM TEXAS AND BEING CALLED A REDNECK BACK WHERE I
COME FROM IS A COMPLIMENT. BUT NO ONE CALLS ME IGNORANT AND GETS
AWAY WITH IT. I JERK MY DOOR OPEN AND START TO CRAWL OUT OF THE
PICKUP. THIS LITTLE TIN COP HOLLERS “WHOA” AND HE STEPS BACK AND
PUTS HIS HAND ON HIS PISTOL. THAT’S WHEN I WHOA.
LISTEN
FELLOW, I’M JUST DOING MY JOB. YOU CAN’T TAKE PLANTS OR FRUIT
INTO CALIFORNIA. SO YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES. YOU CAN TURN AROUND
AND GO BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM OR YOU CAN GIVE UP THE ORANGES.
WELL I’VE COME THIS FAR SO I GUESS I’LL GIVE UP THE ORANGES.
BEFORE
LONG THE ROADS START GETTING CRAZY AND THE TRAFFIC IS EVEN
CRAZIER. BEFORE I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED I’M ON I-215 AND THEN IT
MERGES WITH I-15. I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM.
WHEN I
COME TO AN EXIT TO HIGHWAY 78, I TAKE IT. THE FIRST TOWN I COME
TO IS SAN MARCUS. IT’S GETTING DARK SO I DECIDE TO STOP HERE FOR
THE NIGHT. I GO LOOKING FOR A GROCERY STORE TO BUY SOME THINGS
FOR SUPPER. IT’S NOT LONG BEFORE I FIND ONE AND I PULL INTO THE
PARKING LOT. BOY IT’S FULL OF CARS AND SUV’S.
THIS
TOWN IS AS FULL OF PEOPLE AS THAT FREEWAY WAS FULL OF CARS. WHEN
I GO IN THE GROCERY STORY IT IS WALL TO WALL PEOPLE. WHEN I
FINALLY GET A CART I GO TO THE PRODUCE DEPARTMENT. THERE IS A
LINE OF CARTS GOING DOWN THE AISLE SO I TAKE MY PLACE AT THE END
OF THE LINE AND SLOWLY PUSH MY CART ALONG. I COME TO A LARGE
DISPLAY OF ORANGES. I SACK UP A DOZEN AND DROP THEM INTO MY
CART. I PASS SOME GRAPES BUT I SEE BANANAS NEXT SO I GET ME 6
BANANAS. THEN I TURN BACK TO GET SOME GRAPES BUT THE LADY PUSHING
HER CART BEHIND ME GIVES ME A DIRTY LOOK SO I JUST KEEP GOING.
THEN I
LOOK FOR THE AISLE THAT HAS CRACKERS. I FIND THEM ON AISLE
SEVEN. I START DOWN AISLE SEVEN AND THAT LADY FROM THE PRODUCE
DEPARTMENT IS RIGHT BEHIND ME. “I DIDN’T KNOW THEY MADE SO MANY
DIFFERENT KIND OF CRACKERS” I MUTTERED TO MYSELF.
ABOUT
HALF WAY DOWN THE AISLE I SAW A LITTLE GREEN BOX THAT SAID CLUB
CRACKERS ON IT. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT CLUB CRACKERS WERE BUT THE BOX
WAS MORE THE SIZE I WAS LOOKING FOR, THEY WERE ON THE BOTTOM
SHELVE SO I BENT OVER TO GET ONE.
WELL
THAT’S WHAT STARTED IT. YOU KNOW, ONE OF THOSE CHAIN REACTIONS
LIKE THEY HAVE ON THE FREEWAYS. THIS LADY BEHIND ME PUSHED HER
CART INTO MY BUTT. THIS CAUSED ME TO FALL FORWARD PUSHING MY CART
INTO THE LADY IN FRONT OF ME. SHE PUSHED HER CART INTO THE MAN IN
FRONT OF HER AND HE TURNED HIS CART SIDE WAYS TRYING TO SEE WHAT
WAS GOING ON.
HIS
CART GOOSED A LADY COMING THE OTHER WAY IN THE BUTT AND SHE JUMPED
UP ON HER CART AND CAUSED IT TO TURN OVER AND SPILL ALL HER
GROCERIES ON THE FLOOR. SHE WENT DOWN ON TOP OF THE GROCERIES.
THE MAN THAT HAD GOOSED HER BENT DOWN TO HELP HER UP AND THE CART
THAT HAD BEEN BEHIND THE LADY THAT FELL DOWN HIT HIS CART TURNING
IT OVER ON BOTH OF THEM.
I
STOOD THERE WITH MY MOUTH OPEN WATCHING ALL THIS WHEN I HEARD THE
LADY THAT HAD STARTED ALL THIS SAY, “WILL YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY
YOU STUPID REDNECK?” I WHEELED ON HER AND SAID, ”LISTEN LADY I
DON’T MIND BEING CALLED A REDNECK, BUT STUPID I’M NOT. I’VE BEEN
TO TWO HAG KILLINGS AND A COUNTY FAIR. I DIDN’T JUST RIDE IN HERE
ON A TURNIP TRUCK.
NOW
YOU CAN CALL ME TEX OR YOU CAN CALL ME REDNECK OR YOU CAN CALL ME
LOREN, BUT DON’T YOU DARE CALL ME STUPID. YOU GOT THAT! “YES MR.
REDN … ER, MR LOREN. MY NAME’S JOHNNIE AND I WAS” … JUST THEN
THE STORE’S LOUD SPEAKER CUT HER OFF.
“MAJOR
CLEAN UP ON AISLE SEVEN. ALL HANDS ON DECK!” THAT’S WHEN THE
AISLE FILLED UP WITH STORE EMPLOYEE. THEY MADE ALL OF US LEAVE
OUR BASKETS AND EXIT THE AISLE. “WELL SHOOT” I SAID TO MYSELF.
“I’M NOT GOING TO GO THROUGH THIS BATTLE AGAIN.” SO I LEFT THE
STORE.
THE
NEXT MORNING I DROVE ON DOWN TO SAN DIEGO AND WENT TO THE ZOO.
THE ZOO IS SUPPOSE TO BE THE LARGEST IN THE U.S. THEY EVEN HAD A
LITTLE RUBBER TIRED TRAIN THAT HAD OPEN CARS YOU COULD SIT IN AND
THEY WOULD DRIVE YOU AROUND THE ZOO.
WELL
AFTER SEEING THE ZOO I THOUGHT ABOUT GOING ON INTO MEXICO BUT THEN
I THOUGHT ABOUT CALIFORNIA SLIDING OFF INTO THE OCEAN AND DECIDED
IT WAS TIME I WENT HOME. I NEVER WAS MUCH OF A SWIMMER AND I
DIDN’T WANT TO BE HERE WHEN CALIFORNIA WENT FOR A SWIM.
ON THE
WAY OUT OF TOWN I BOUGHT A DOZEN ORANGES TO EAT ON WHILE I WAS
DRIVING HOME. AS I WAS NEARING THE ARIZONA/CALIFORNIA BORDER I
REMEMBERED THAT CHECK STATION WHERE THE COP TOOK MY ORANGES AWAY
FROM ME WHEN I CROSSED THAT BORDER COMING IN.
THEY’RE NOT GETTING MY ORANGES THIS TIME, I’LL JUST THROW THE
ORANGES OUT MY PICKUP WINDOW BEFORE I LET THAT COP HAVE THEM. I
SAID TO MY SELF. I ROLLED DOWN THE WINDOW AND TOSSED THE SACK OF
ORANGES OUT, SACK AND ALL. I LOOKED IN MY SIDE VIEW MIRROR AND
SAW THE ORANGES ROLLING DOWN THE PAVEMENT.
WHEN I
GOT TO THE BARRICADE, THERE WERE THREE CARS LINED UP ON THE
INCOMING SIDE AND THE COP WAS STANDING AT THE WINDOW OF THE FIRST
ONE. THEN I REALIZED THERE WAS NO BARRICADE ON THE OUT GOING
SIDE. I THOUGHT ABOUT MY ORANGES ROLLING DOWN THE PAVEMENT AND A
TEAR CAME INTO MY EYE.
WHEN I
GOT BACK TO TEXAS I PULLED INTO MONAHANS STATE PARK TO SPEND THE
NIGHT. MONAHANS PARK IS WHERE ALL THE BIG SAND DUNES ARE. THE
NEXT MORNING I DECIDED I WOULD WALK OUT INTO THE DUNES BEFORE I
GOT ON THE ROAD AGAIN.
MY
CAMP SITE WAS IN THE BACK OF THE CAMPING AREA AND THERE WAS A SAND
DUNE RIGHT NEXT TO WHERE I WAS PARKED. SO ALL I HAD TO DO WAS
WALK, OR SHOULD I SAY CRAWL UP THE SIDE OF THE DUNE. WHEN I GOT
TO THE TOP ALL I COULD SEE WAS ANOTHER DUNE.
SO I
SLIDE DOWN THE SIDE OF THIS ONE AND CRAWLED UP THE NEXT ONE.
THERE WAS ANOTHER DUNE SO I WENT TO THE TOP OF IT. WHEN I STOOD
UP ALL I COULD SEE WAS DUNE AFTER DUNE STRETCHING FOR MILES. I
SLIDE DOWN THE SIDE OF THIS THIRD DUNE BUT I DIDN’T CLIMB THE NEXT
ONE.
INSTEAD I WALKED ALONG THE VALLEY BETWEEN THE THIRD AND THE FORTH
DUNE. AFTER A WHILE I SAW SOMETHING STICKING OUT OF THE SAND OF
THE FORTH DUNE. AS I GOT CLOSER I SAW IT WAS AND OLD WAGON
WHEEL. THE KIND THE WAS USED ON THE OLD CONESTOGA COVERED WAGONS.
BOY I
WONDER HOW LONG THIS WHEEL HAS BEEN HERE. IT MUST BE OVER A
HUNDRED YEARS OLD. I KNOW THEY SAY THAT THESE SAND DUNES SHIFT
FROM TIME TO TIME AND UNCOVER THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN BURIED FOR A
LONG TIME. THIS WHEEL IS TO BIG AND HEAVY FOR ME TO CARRY OUT OF
HERE. IN FACT I’M NOT SURE WHERE HERE IS.
I
THOUGHT IT WAS TIME TO GO BACK TO MY PICKUP AND GET ON THE ROAD TO
HOME. SO I CRAWLED BACK UP THREE SAND DUNES AND EXPECTED TO BE
BACK AT MY CAMP SITE. BUT I WASN’T. ALL I COULD SEE WAS MORE
SAND DUNES. I WAS LOST IN THIS SEA OF SAND.
AFTER
THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR A WHILE, I DECIDED I MUST HAVE GOT TURNED
AROUND SOME HOW. ALL I HAD TO DO WAS GO BACK TO THE TROUGH WHERE
THE WHEEL WAS AND GO THREE SAND DUNES THE OTHER WAY. SO BACK I
WENT AND WENT THREE DUNES THE OTHER WAY. BUT WHEN I TOPPED OUT ON
THE THIRD DUNE, INSTEAD OF SEEING MY PICKUP I SAW NOTHING BUT MORE
DUNES!
I SAT
DOWN IN THE SAND AND PUT MY FACE IN MY HANDS. I WAS LOST. I WAS
HOT AND I WAS THIRSTY. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. AFTER A WHILE I
KNEW I HAD TO GO BACK TO THAT WHEEL. THAT IS WHERE ALL MY TROUBLE
STARTED. SO I CRAWLED BACK TO THE WHEEL.
WHEN I
GOT THERE, I STARTED DIGGING AROUND THE WHEEL TO SEE WHAT ELSE
MIGHT BE BURIED IN THE SAND WITH IT. ALL I HAD TO DIG WITH WAS MY
HANDS AND AFTER DIGGING A FOOT INTO THE SAND I NOTICED THE SAND
WAS NO LONGER HOT. IT WAS COOL TO THE TOUCH. I WONDERED IF I DUG
A TRENCH DOWN TO THE COOL SAND IN THE SIDE OF THE DUNE IF I COULD
LAY DOWN IN IT AND COOL OFF.
SURE,
I WOULD TRY THAT AND I STARTED DIGGING A TRENCH NEXT TO THE
WHEEL. BEFORE I HAD DUG FAR I HIT A BOARD. I HAD TO THINK ABOUT
THIS FOR A WHILE BUT THEN I REALIZED IT WAS THE SIDE OF THAT
CONESTOGA WAGON. I STOPPED DIGGING. I DIDN’T WANT TO SEE WHAT
WAS IN THAT WAGON. IN MY MINDS EYE I COULD JUST SEE THE BONES OF
A PIONEER FAMILY TRAPPED IN THE SAND DUNES AND DIEING HERE.
I
LOOKED AT MY WATCH. IT WAS ALREADY FOUR O’CLOCK. I HADN’T HAD
ANY THING TO EAT OR DRINK FOR HOURS. THE SUN WAS BEARING DOWN AND
THERE WAS NO WIND. I WAS TIRED, HOT AND THIRSTY. MY BOOTS AND
CLOTHS WERE FULL OF SAND. I WAS LOST AND DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO GET
BACK TO MY PICKUP.
SO I
JUST LAY DOWN AND AS EXHAUSTED AS I WAS, FELL ASLEEP. SOME TIME
LATER I WOKE UP. I WAS COLD. IT WAS DARK AND THERE WAS A SLIVER
OF MOON SHOWING. IT MADE EVERYTHING LOOK SPOOKY. I GOT UP AND
STARTED WALKING ALONG THE TROUGH AWAY FROM THE WHEEL. AFTER A
WHILE I CRAWLED UP A SAND DUNE AND THEN ANOTHER AND THEN A THIRD.
WHEN I GOT TO THE TOP OF THE THIRD DUNE I LOOKED DOWN AND THERE
WAS MY PICKUP.
I SLED
DOWN THE DUNE AND STAGGERED OVER TO THE WATER HYDRANT NEXT TO THE
PICNIC TABLE AT MY CAMP SITE. I TURNED IT ON AND STUCK MY HEAD
UNDER THE WATER. AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES I TURNED MY HEAD SIDE
WAYS AND GOT A DRINK.
THEN I
DUG INTO MY POCKET FOR THE KEY TO MY CAMPER. MY POCKET WAS FULL
OF SAND AND IT TOOK ME A MINUTE TO FIND MY KEY RING. WHEN I DID I
WENT INTO THE CAMPED AND GOT THE WATER HOSE I USE TO HOOK UP WATER
TO THE CAMPER. I CAME BACK OUT AND HOOKED IT TO THE HYDRANT. I
PULLED OFF MY BOOTS AND ALL MY CLOTHES AND LAID THEM ON THE PICNIC
TABLE. I STOOD THERE AND WASHED ALL THE SAND OFF ME. THEN I
WALKED INTO THE CAMPER AND GOT A TOWEL, DRIED OFF AND CRAWLED INTO
BED.
WHEN I
WOKE UP IT WAS BROAD DAY LIGHT. I GOT UP AND PUT ON SOME CLEAN
CLOTHS AND LOOKED FOR MY BOOTS. BUT THEY WEREN’T IN THE CAMPER.
THEN I REMEMBERED I HAD LEFT MY BOOTS AND ALL MY CLOTHS ON THE
PICNIC TABLE LAST NIGHT. MY BILLFOLD AND ALL MY MONEY HAD BEEN IN
THE POCKET OF MY JEANS. I QUICKLY SLIPPED ON A PAIR OF MOCCASINS
AND WENT OUT TO THE PICNIC TABLE. EVERYTHING WAS STILL THERE. I
SHOOK THE SAND OUT OF MY BOOTS AND CLOTHS AND THREW THEM IN THE
BACK OF THE CAMPER. I WAS ONLY FIVE HOURS AWAY FROM HOME NOW AND
I WOULD JUST WARE MY MOCCASINS HOME.
AS I
DROVE OUT THE GATE TO THE PARK I REACHED OVER AND TURNED ON THE
RADIO. CAN YOU GUESS WHAT I HEARD? WHY IT WAS OLD WILLIE AGAIN.
ON THE
ROAD AGAIN
JUST
CAN’T WAIT TO GET ON THE ROAD AGAIN
THE
LIFE I LOVE IS MAKIN’ MUSIC WITH MY FRIENDS
AND I
CAN’T WAIT TO GET ON THE ROAD AGAIN
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