IT'S TRUE, REALLY TRUE

News Flashes

Trees began to talk today in upstate New York.  They praised the conservationists and gave instructions on the building of squirrels' nests.  Oaks spoke loudest.
      

Bananas in a produce market in Van Nuys this morning shocked shoppers when they rose, balanced on their ends, started doing the Macarena, and scared the heads of Romaine into instant wilt.
      

Dogs in Kalamazoo early tonight mystified their owners when regardless what breed, they all assembled in a southeast residential cul-de-sac.  Residents swear they heard them all beckoning "Here, Kitty kitty."
      

Starbucks coffee shops across the nation today were baffled when staff reported their styrofoam cups shot to the ceiling in perfect columns, fanned out, turned right side up, and descended back into their original positions from all directions. 
      

Bus operators across Kansas City today reported that exactly at noon their doors opened, white filmy opaque passengers boarded, and sat in all passengers' laps.
      

A man in Phoenix entered an emergency room near downtown late this afternoon dumbfounded.  The man said he stepped on his pop-up kitchen trash can pedal, the lid opened, and his ear fell off.  Surgeons successfully reattached the ear.  A nurse in recovery who asked not to be identified said the man claimed he could now could only half-hear.
      

All eyes were on Cheyenne today in a tri-state Rodeo, eagerly awaiting what had been billed as the "biggest bull this side of the Mississippi".  The crowd cheered when a slender bull was released bearing a paperboard sandwich sign reading "Iraqi State Television."
      

Cher today grew fat.
      

Peter Arnett today shaved his comb-over.
       David Letterman tonight thanked his audience for their notes of sympathy over his recent bout with shutters.
       And in Atlanta, the late edition of the city's only paper announced the CDC had developed a vaccine against telemarketers.

 

Robins sing in all the trees,

Happy April Fools. ~Susan... N

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