Thank You For Visiting

Texas Bob's World

 

Listen with Windows Media Player Plug-in

 

SECRET WEAPON   

                                                          

 

 

      

ONCE UPON A TIME (YES THIS IS A FAIRY TALE) I PLAYED GOLF. WELL THAT MAY BE STRETCHING IT A BIT. MAYBE I SHOULD SAY I TRIED TO PLAY GOLF. I WENT TO THE GOLF COURSE WITH SOME OF MY BUDDIES FROM THE GENERAL MOTORS PLANT WHERE I WORKED.

 

 

ONE SUNDAY AFTERNOON WHEN I WAS WATCHING TV THERE WAS A GOLF TOURNAMENT ON. I THINK THEY CALLED IT THE MASTERS TOURNAMENT. THERE WAS A LOT OF DRAMA. THERE WERE THREE OR FOUR PLAYERS JUST A STROKE OR TWO APART FOR THE LEAD. JOHNNIE WAS WATCHING WITH ME. SHE WASN'T WATCHING FOR THE GOLF. SHE WAS WATCHING THE WOMEN IN THE CROWD AND HOW THEY WERE DRESSED. BUT THAT'S A WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A DIFFERENT TIME.

 

 

ANYWAY I'M WATCHING THIS GOLF TOURNAMENT AND ON THE 16TH HOLE AL GIEBERGER IS ONE SHOT OFF THE LEAD. WHILE HE IS WAITING ON THE 16TH TEE HE GOES OVER TO HIS CADDIE AND TAKES A SANDWICH OUT OF HIS GOLF BAG AND EATS IT. THE ANNOUNCER MAKES A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT. HE SAYS AL GEIBERGER CARRIES A SECRET WEAPON IN HIS GOLF BAG. A PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH!

 

 

MY WIFE LAUGHS AT THIS. “HOW CAN A PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH HELP HIS GOLF GAME,” SHE ASK? WELL I CAN'T ANSWER HER QUESTION BUT A PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD. I LIKE PEANUT BUTTER. I GO TO THE KITCHEN AND MAKE ME A PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH AND GET ME A GLASS OF MILK TO WASH IT DOWN WITH. I THINK MAYBE A FEW POTATO CHIPS WILL GO GOOD WITH MY SANDWICH.

 

 

BY THE TIME I GET MY SANDWICH, POTATO CHIPS, AND GLASS OF MILK AND RETURN TO THE DEN THE GOLF TOURNAMENT IS OVER. AL GEIBERGER HAS WON BY ONE STROKE. THE ANNOUNCER IS SAYING THE SECRET WEAPON (THE PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH) WORKED ONCE AGAIN! I ASK MY WIFE WHAT HAPPENED. SHE DIDN'T KNOW, SHE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ABOUT HITTING A LITTLE BALL, CHASING IT DOWN THAT LAWN, AND HITTING IT AGAIN. ALL SHE KNEW WAS THE ANNOUNCER SAID HE ATE A PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH AND WON THE TOURNAMENT.

 

 

THE NEXT WEEK AFTER WORK FOUR OF THE MEN I WORK WITH WERE GOING TO THE LAKE ARLINGTON GOLF COURSE TO PLAY NINE HOLES. THEY ASK ME TO GO WITH THEM. SO WEDNESDAY MORNING I LOADED MY GOLF CLUBS IN MY PICKUP BEFORE I WENT TO WORK. I TOLD JOHNNIE NOT TO FIX ME ANY SUPPER BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO GO PLAY GOLF WITH THE GUYS WHEN WE GOT OFF WORK. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TIME WE WOULD BE THROUGH AND I WOULD GET HOME.

 

 

WHEN WE GOT TO THE GOLF COURSE I UNLOADED MY CLUBS AND WAS WALKING TOWARD THE FIRST TEE WHEN HOMER ASK ME WHAT KIND OF CLUBS I HAD? JUST THE REGULAR KIND I TOLD HIM. I BOUGHT THEM IN A GARAGE SALE FOR $20 AND THE MAN THREW IN A DOZEN GOLF BALLS FOR FREE. THEY WERE USED BUT I FIGURED THEY WOULD BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. HE HAD A WHOLE SACK FULL HE WAS SELLING FOR 10¢ EACH. SO I BOUGHT 10 OF THE BRIGHT ORANGE ONES, THAT GAVE ME 22 ALL TOGETHER. THAT SHOULD BE ALL I WOULD EVER NEED.

 

 

 

WE ALL HIT OUR BALLS OFF THE FIRST TEE AND I'M USING ONE OF MY ORANGE BALLS SO I CAN TELL MINE FROM EVERYONE ELSE'S. I NOTICED SOME OF THE GUYS GIVING ME A STRANGE LOOK WHEN I TEE'ED UP AN ORANGE BALL BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS BECAUSE THEY WERE JEALOUS BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY. ANYWAY THE FIRST HOLE WAS A PAR 4 AND I MADE A 7. NOT BAD FOR A BEGINNER I SAY. THE SECOND HOLE IS ALSO A PAR 4 AND I MADE AN 8. OK SO I'M STILL LEARNING. THE THIRD HOLE IS A PAR 5 AND AFTER GETTING OFF A COUPLE OF GOOD WHACKS I MADE A 7. HOORAY! A DOUBLE BOGIE. THAT'S THE BEST I'VE DONE TODAY.

 

 

AS WE WERE HEADING FOR THE TEE BOX ON THE 4TH HOLE WE HEAR SOME GUYS HOLLERING. WE LOOK OVER AT THE GOLF CART PATH AND HERE COMES JOHNNIE DRIVING OUR STATION WAGON DOWN THE CART PATH. SHE PULLS UP BEHIND THE TEE BOX, JUMPS OUT OF THE WAGON AND HANDS ME A SMALL PACKAGE. SHE SAYS I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT NEED YOUR SECRET WEAPON! SHE JUMPS BACK IN THE STATION WAGON AND DRIVES OFF. I TURN AROUND AND LOOK AT THE GUYS AND THEY ARE ALL STANDING THERE WITH THEIR MOUTHS OPEN STARRING AT THE RETREATING WAGON AS JOHNNIE TAKES A SHORT CUT ACROSS THE NUMBER TWO FAIRWAY ONTO THE PARKING LOT AND OUT ONTO THE STREET.

 

 

FINALLY SOMEONE SAYS HOMER YOUR UP. HOMER SAYS I'M NOT TEE'ING OFF UNTIL I SEE WHAT THIS SECRET WEAPON IS. “LOREN SHOW US!” WELL MY FACE AND MY GOLF BALL ARE THE SAME COLOR. I SAY, “AW GUYS IT'S JUST JOHNNIE'S IDEA OF A JOKE. LET'S PLAY GOLF.” “NO,” THEY SAY. “WE'RE NOT PLAYING ANOTHER HOLE UNTIL YOU SHOW US THAT SECRET WEAPON.” SO I UNWRAP MY PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH AND START EATING IT. “YOU MEAN THAT'S IT? A PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH.” “YEP,” I SAID. “I TOLD YOU IT WAS A JOKE.”

 

 

WELL AFTER EVERYBODY HAD A GOOD LAUGH WE WERE READY TO PLAY THE PAR 3 4TH HOLE. I WAS LAST TO HIT AS USUAL AND WHEN I TEE'ED UP MY ORANGE BALL HOMER SAID “LOREN WHY DON'T YOU RUB A LITTLE PEANUT BUTTER ON IT FOR LUCK?” I KNEW HE WAS JUST TEASING ME BUT I TOOK THE SANDWICH WRAPPER OUT OF MY GOLF BAG AND GOT A SMEAR OF PEANUT BUTTER OFF IT AND RUBBED IT ON MY BALL. I SAID, “LOOK OUT GUYS HERE COMES A GEIBERGER SPECIAL”. I TOOK A MIGHTY SWING AND HEARD A SATISFYING CLINK AS THE CLUB'S SWEET SPOT HITS THE BALL. SHE FLIES STRAIGHT AND TRUE. IT HITS ABOUT 8 FEET IN FRONT OF THE PEN, BOUNCED TWICE AND ROLLED INTO THE CUP.

 

NO ONE MOVED. NO ONE SAID ANYTHING. THEY ALL STOOD THERE AND WATCHED THAT LITTLE ORANGE BALL DISAPPEAR INTO THE HOLE. THEN HOMER VERY QUIETLY SAID, "A HOLE IN ONE." LONZO SAID, "A HOLE IN ONE!" BRIAN SAID, "A HOLE IN ONE." DENNY SAID, "A HOLE IN ONE?" I SAID,

"A HOLE IN ONE!!!!!!"

 

 

BY LOREN MOORE

COPYRIGHT 1999

 

 SEE YA

 

 

LIKE TO JOIN OUR FREE MAILING LIST?, CLICK ON THE HEART BELOW

 

.

I would love to hear your comments on the pages we prepare  and recommend, we enjoy doing it for your pleasure, our pleasure is receiving your comments.

Page design By: Texas Bob

Visitors to the site since 7-12-03

free web counter