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EILEEN, THE HUNDRED POUND LADY

 

EILEEN, THE HUNDRED POUND LADY RUSHED OUT TO THE CURB, GRABBED THE BOX AND THREW IT UP INTO THE TRUCK.

WHEN JOHNNIE AND I LIVED ON DARLENE STREET HERE IN ARLINGTON, WE HAD SOME NEIGHBORS THAT LIVED ACROSS THE STREET FROM US THAT WERE GOOD FRIENDS. IN FACT EILEEN AND JOHNNIE WERE BOSOM BUDDIES. THEY DID EVERYTHING TOGETHER.

ONE DAY JOHNNIE READ IN OUR LOCAL PAPER THAT A FARMER SOUTH OF TOWN WAS SELLING HIS PEACHES FOR $8 A BUSHEL IF YOU PICKED THEM YOURSELF. SO JOHNNIE AND EILEEN JUMPED IN OUR STATION WAGON AND OFF THEY WENT TO PICK PEACHES. THEY PICKED TWO BUSHELS AND BROUGHT THEM BACK TO OUR HOUSE.

ON THE WAY BACK JOHNNIE SAW A BUNCH OF CHICKEN HOUSES WITH BIG PILES OF CHICKEN MANURE AT THE END OF EACH HOUSE. BUT THATíS A WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A DIFFERENT TIME.

WHEN JOHNNIE AND EILEEN GOT BACK TO OUR HOUSE, THEY BROUGHT THE TWO BUSHELS INTO THE HOUSE, PEALED THEM, CUT THEM UP AND PUT THEM IN ZIP LOCK BAGS. JOHNNIE PUT HER BUSHEL IN OUR FREEZER AND HELPED EILEEN CARRY HERS ACROSS THE STREET AND PUT THEM IN HER FREEZER.

THE NEXT DAY WHEN THEY WERE TAKING THEIR MID-MORNING COFFEE BREAK, JOHNNIE SAID SHE NEEDED TO PULL THE WEEDS OUT OF HER FRONT YARD. SO WHEN THEY WERE THROUGH WITH THIER COFFEE, THEY WENT OUT IN THE FRONT YARD, SAT DOWN ON THEIR BUTTS AND STARTED PULLING WEEDS.

THE NEXT MORNING THEIR COFFEE BREAK WAS AT EILEENíS HOUSE. THEY SWAPPED BACK AND FORTH EVERY DAY. WHEN THEY FINISHED THEIR COFFEE THEY WENT OUT INTO EILEENíS FRONT YARD. EILEEN SAID THEREíS GOT TO BE AN EASIER WAY TO GET RED OF THE WEEDS THAN SCOOTING AROUND ON OUR BUTTS.

SO SHE WENT TO HER GARAGE AND CAME BACK WITH TWO SHOVELS AND A BOX. EILEEN AND JOHNNIE DUG UP THE WEEDS AND DUMPED THEM AND THE LITTLE CLODS OF DIRT IN THE BOX. WHEN THEY WERE THROUGH JOHNNIE SCOOTED THE BOX OVER TO THE CURB FOR THE TRASH TRUCK TO PICK UP WHILE EILEEN PUT THE SHOVELS BACK IN THE GARAGE.

EILEEN WENT IN HER HOUSE AND BROUGHT OUT TWO COKES AND HANDED JOHNNIE ONE. THEY WERE STANDING THERE ON THE DRIVE WAY LOOKING OVER EILEENíS FRONT YARD TO SEE IF THEY HAD MISSED ANY WEEDS AND DRINKING THEIR COKES. JUST THEN THE TRASH TRUCK TURNED INTO OUR STREET.

AS THE TRUCK DRIVES DOWN THE STREET TWO MEN, ONE ON EACH SIDE OF THE STREET, RUN ALONG, PICK UP THE TRASH AND THROW IT IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK. AS THE TRUCK GETS TO EILEENíS HOUSE THE MAN ON HER SIDE OF THE STREET STARTS TO PICK UP THE BOX OF WEEDS AND DIRT.

HE DOESNíT GET IT OFF THE GROUND. THE TRUCK STOPS AND WAITS ON HIM. HE STARTS TO WALK ON DOWN THE STREET AND EILEEN HOLLERS, ďWAIT A MINUTE. ARENíT YOU GOING TO TAKE MY TRASH?Ē THE TRUCK DRIVER STEPS OUT ON THE RUNNING BOARD TO SEE WHAT THE HOLLERING IS ALL ABOUT.

THE MAN RUNNING ALONG BEHIND THE TRUCK SAYS, ďLADY THAT BOX IS TOO HEAVY. I CANíT LIFT IT.Ē

THATíS WHEN THIS 28 YEAR OLD, 5 FOOT TALL, 100 POUND EILEEN RAN OVER, GRABBED THE BOX AND THREW IT IN THE BACK OF THE TRASH TRUCK. THE TRUCK DRIVER STARTED LAUGHING. JOHNNIE STOOD THERE CLAPPING HER HANDS. THE MAN DUCKED HIS HEAD AND RAN FOR THE NEXT HOUSE.

AS THE TRASH TRUCK STARTED ON DOWN THE STREET THE DRIVER HONKED HIS HORN IN SALUTE TO EILEEN.

  BY LOREN MOORE

COPYRIGHT 2005

LOREN

 GOTTA GO - SEE YA

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