WILD INDIANS
I HAVE BEEN HAUNTED BY INDIANS LATELY, THE WILD
KIND. THEY ARE ON MY MIND DAY AND NIGHT. IT
SEEMS THAT EVERYWHERE I GO I SEE INDIANS. I
WENT TO THE GROCERY STORY WITH JOHNNIE AND I SAW
PICTURES OF INDIANS ON BOXES OF FOOD STUFF. I
WAS LOOKING THROUGH MY COIN COLLECTION AND THERE
WAS AN INDIAN HEAD PENNY. I TURNED ON THE TV
AND THERE WAS A PACK OF WILD INDIANS ATTACHING A
WAGON TRAIN, BUT JOHN WAYNE AND THE CAVALRY GOT
THERE JUST IN TIME TO SAVE IT.
LAST NIGHT WHEN I WENT TO BED I WAS THINKING
ABOUT ALL THE TROUBLE I HAD BEEN HAVING OVER
USING THE PHRASE “WILD INDIANS” IN ONE OF MY
STORIES. ALL OF A SUDDEN FIVE INDIANS IN WAR
PAINT CAME CHARGING THROUGH MY BEDROOM DOOR.
AS THEY GOT TO THE SIDE OF MY BED I ROLLED OUT
OF THE OTHER SIDE AND RAN OUT THE DOOR AND INTO
THE DEN. THEY WERE RIGHT BEHIND ME YELLING,
WHOOPING AND SCREECHING LIKE THE WHOLE SIOUX
NATION AT THE BATTLE OF THE LITTLE BIG HORN.
I RAN INTO THE DINNING ROOM AND THEY WERE RIGHT
BEHIND ME. THEN I RAN INTO MY OFFICE, WHERE MY
GUN SAFE WAS AND SHOVED MY DESK UP AGAINST THE
DOOR. I TURNED AND STARTED TO WORK THE
COMBINATION ON MY GUN SAFE. THE INDIANS WERE
CHOPPING AT THE DOOR WITH THEIR TOMAHAWKS.
I SAW THAT I WASN’T GOING TO BE ABLE TO OPEN MY
GUN SAFE, GRAB A GUN AND LOAD IT BEFORE THEY
WERE THROUGH THE DOOR AND INTO MY OFFICE. I RAN
OVER TO MY COMPUTER AND EMAILED DON AND PAT AND
ASK THEM FOR HELP. THEN I TURNED BACK TO FACE
THE INDIANS AND THAT’S WHEN I TURNED OVER IN BED
AND FELL OFF ON THE FLOOR.
I WOKE UP WHEN I HIT THE FLOOR AND JUST LAY
THERE A MINUTE. COLD SWEAT HAD BROKEN OUT ON MY
FOREHEAD. WOW, IT HAD ALL BEEN JUST A DREAM. I
GOT UP OFF THE FLOOR AND STEPPED INTO A PAIR OF
PANTS. THEN I PUT ON MY HOUSE SLIPPERS AND WENT
INTO THE KITCHEN. I GOT THE JAR OF JIF PEANUT
BUTTER OUT OF THE CABINET AND MADE ME A PEANUT
BUTTER SANDWICH. I POURED A GLASS OF COLD MILK
AND SAT DOWN AT THE TABLE TO THINK ABOUT MY
DREAM.
NOW THOSE NASTY WILD INDIANS HAD INTERRUPTED MY
SLEEP. WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? WELL I
THINK I’LL EMAIL DON AND PAT AND ASK THEM WHAT I
SHOULD DO. I DID JUST THAT AND THEY TOLD ME …
BUT NO THAT’S A WHOLE NOTHER STORY FOR A
DIFFERENT TIME.